[5:52:35 PM] Chess: Get the fake d simba call it your own
Let me explain.
Recently, I fell for a new friend of mine, a transgender we will call L. I only met L earlier this year, back in January.
L lives in the city I am moving to in 2016, approximately 2800 miles away. He's FTM and a really sweet, adorable guy. We hit it off from the start, and have recently become fairly close.
Recently, due to my project of improving myself this year, I sat down to think. And I discovered this:
I feel the butterflies in my stomach again, the ones I've not felt since prior to Wes's death. Wes could make me fall and blush so easily... and we got along better than I ever have with anyone. L makes me feel this way--so weak, so adored. So cared for. And perhaps, just perhaps, there's a reason everything has happened. Maybe I've been played... so that when the time came, I'd be ready to help someone, someone who would in turn help me.
And so it goes. I'm really excited to see where things go. While I am head over heels, L's still reluctant. And, secretly, so am I. Because the last thing I want is to hurt someone else, particularly him. He means a lot to me.
I'm just hoping that, no matter what, he and I remain friends forever. Because he's the first to make me feel so happy and excited since the death of Wes. Because he's the first to make me feel as though I MEAN something, who pings me first, and who actually, secretly, cares.... I can tell. I normally can't read people, but I can tell that he sees something in me, something that I probably can't see.
And I'm falling, hard. Because I want, with all my heart, for us to BE--and I want, no matter what, for him to be happy. As happy as he can.
I'm going to admit it. I'm shippiing this. Because how can I not?
PS-L-if you find my blog, please understand I never let people read it who know me. It's really private... only for those who can't tell those who actually know me. Sorry, bro. ^^